"So no news is good news." I told that to my dad the other day. As far as I can remember, my found my dad to tell me things that were educational; however they were not the most enlightening of topics. The years would go by and I wanted my dad to tell me something good, tell me something that was uplifting. I am still waiting for that day. The topics are quite interesting, don't misunderstand me, but I want to know if he realizes what he is saying. To express more elaboratly what I am saying, here is an example of how my dad can be. (on the ride to school)...in the car we would discuss simply my classes or maybe...oh I don't know...that 9/11 was an inside job...that the economy is going down the tubes, and as we here the radio speaking, I feel as though it is just my dad in another voice...."unemployment has increased as far as (said number)....." Yes I know dad, it is hard for undergrads to find a job. I don't need to hear that..just hearing it, gives me a headache. It is funny though, my dad will say that one minute and the next say..."...don't worry...you worry too much..." I do worry too much, I have become a nervous wreck. I am a nervous wreck, my friends! know I am a nervous person. However, as crazy as it seems and how it may sound...there is this little person who is crying out! It will be fucking ok!! Stop!! You are killing yourself! Well, of course, this makes a person like me worry more, oh shit, I am aging myself. Lol. ok enough....I am getting a headache..The point is...I am or have some part of me that is optimistic. I know my dad is, but unfortunately, he is more the negative.; whether he admits it or not.
This is what I know: I want to live. I want to live..oh for god's sake...I would love my own life and yes...to control and live the way I want to live it. The freedom is calling, and we can talk about life til the cows come home. The truth is, part of this is a cry for help. The cry for help that says....why can't I be who I want to be. This topic is so broad and out of context that..explaining it will take too much time to incorporate. That is why I created this blog...to complain....to speak...to tell you..and cue dramatics....my "feelings"...and in some crazy way...to be free....to taste..a free choice...a thing I can do...and hopefully and I am doubtful...that no one or anything...will stop me. Freedom is sweet...a sweet surrender.
